I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
