The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
