So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
