..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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