They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
