I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
