Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
