I heard we made out
I will die if light touches me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
