dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm always down for nudity.
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