Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
