So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
