Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
