You work out of a Hotel?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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