Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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