Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
