If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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