I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
