Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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