I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
