If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
