Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
