he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
