she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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