Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
