I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize