I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
