seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
