nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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