I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And then he peed in my hair
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
