I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
