They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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