I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
