Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
