1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
false alarm, still single
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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