Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
