im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
