I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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