What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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