Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
