Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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