Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
