Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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