butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
