i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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