Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
