remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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