After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
