Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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