Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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