apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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