dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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