The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this will be a night to untag.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
