She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
