My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
