He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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