The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize