I cockslap morals
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
