It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I didn't notice because vodka
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I AM VODKA MAN
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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