she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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