Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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