Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
