Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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