The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
